"She had challenged his whole life plan-- to find God's will and do it-- said he was fixated on finding the one thing God had intended for him, when every moment was an opportunity.
What if she was right?
Could one choice be God's will, and another as well?
It might not be about finding the one right answer as much as knowing the heart of God and choosing from the possibilities."


- "Secrets", Kristen Heitzmann

Just had a definite craving for the UAE.

I miss the plumeria tree booming over the gate, my grubby-curled, favourite 1yrold charge and his creative family, our camping nights under the Arabian stars surrounded by sand dunes and curious lizards, and South African braai- barbecues. I miss my rough-blackwood bunk and bringing baby Petite up there with me to coo as I proofread documents on my computer. I miss sleeping with the windows open and deliberately not turning the aircon on, and walkking down dust-thick roads to the pool. I miss palm trees.

I miss being somewhere and aching for what I left behind. Here and now, I miss what I left behind, but I won't go back for a year or two and that doesn't hurt me. I didn't belong there anyway, and the belonging that there was, was in preparation for *this*.

I know I'll miss this, but right now I miss three years ago.

Rags and Sequins


This last week was interesting. Still stressed about lack of camera (i.e., lack of work/freedom/fun/usefulness) on Monday, I headed to language school on another (unsurprisingly) grey day. I'd spent the night before alternating between depression and trying to regain perspective. 'Be careful what you wish for,' right? Sitting down on the tram, still consoling myself with "Just be patient", "Just give the whole thing over to God and don't be so dependent," and "It's just a camera, other people have real problems." And then I hear a voice, and saw a man walking pleadingly down the tram aisle.

"Does the lady have any change? Does the gentleman have any change?"

I'd wondered the other day why, unlike other cities, I hadn't seen people asking for money on public transport. Pretty interesting timing. I gave him some change, and a smile. And he moved on.

A few hours later, out of language class, I headed back home the same way. No panhandler (is there a politer word, btw?) but was still struck by the irony of city life and economics. Off at the tram stop, you walk through the sub-zero weather past old, bundled up women at little 30 cent pretzel stands into a heated mall. Down the escalator to the subway, you walk past stores like Dolce&Gabbana where the cheapest handbag might be $100 on a good day. Going over a bridge, you see self-important city trains headed off to Milan, Paris, Prague... and tucked under a corner of a bridge there's a pile of blankets where some homeless person made a bed. Once in my neighborhood, you're passed by gleaming silver Nissans as you walk past a dumpster with a withered shabby gentleman pulling out a half-eaten pizza.

All that. And days when I've got my iPod playing, studying language lists, or looking at train tickets for media work, I blank out the rags as well as the sequins. Which is- full circle- why I want a camera. So I- and you- can really see what I see.




(Good post on the subject from another city blogger -"Gentlemen, you give me hope!"

no wifi for us
you see you see
it's gone
and we're home
without even tv
are we sad?
do we care?
no, we just hit the road
there's way to much out of doors to explode


(hence the lack of updates. no wifi. apologies and we hope to soon return to our regularly scheduled sporadic updates. have a nice day.)

Not going to lie today....

Not that I normally lie, but I don't always tell all the truth. Generally because all the truth involves good and bad, and I'd rather just tell the good, because that's much more fun and there seem to be abundant people who like to just tell the bad.

And there's been so much good here. I've loved language class, and according to my teacher have done really well. Since all I have to go by is whether I understand a little more each day, I'm more focused on whether I can finish our workbook by the end of the next two weeks, which will finish off language class for me.

Adjusting to the culture here... total non-issue so far. It's Europe, where I grew up. Ergo, it's home. Obviously, there are small blips of surprise, like the evening I found liquid milk in small plastic *bags* in the grocery store. Or the time I went to apply for residency and found out passport photos are taken left-profile, not straight on. For the most part, though, it's been an easy transition and a fun one.

This weekend was hard, though. Exhausted from a long week of class, applying for residency, life in general, and getting one roommate fully moved in and another safely packed off for a week. Told the leaving Ragazza that hopefully I'd be getting my new video camera for work this week and could follow her down and catch some of the work on film...

Which leads to the whole 'not lying' issue. If this weekend was 'hard', tonight topped it. My supervisor, having talked with our other supervisor, told me that I'm probably going to have to wait till the beginning of February and our work meeting to figure out my work details. Like my camera, or lack of. And from the beginning I'd been told (and nicely accepting of) the fact that my job this first month was just to focus on language, adjusting, and getting a feel for what's needed.

But it's been three weeks, and tonight I can't handle it. Language is fine, people are fine, and I *need* my media. I am not okay with not having my job for the next two weeks. I know there's stuff I can do around the edges. I know there are good reasons. I know I obviously need to learn patience. And - even worse- I know there are people all around with way more important problems and bigger problems, which makes me feel like a total jerk for being upset about this, thanks. And explaining, "Separation from media and communication is slow *death* for me..." is not going to change the situation.

Two more weeks. I can deal with that. Especially if there are no more weekends like this.

another beautiful day!!

well, beautiful being a relative term... it started cloudy and stayed cold, but the sun came out, language school went great (my teacher and i have pushed and laughed our way through most of seven lessons by now!) and then there was this ('there was a, there was a') ladies get-together at a wee cosy cafe... and then, having had dessert/hot chocolate, me and two of my people made polite goodbyes and headed away from femininity and promptly found a doner shop.

walking down ancient cobbled streets, surrounded by graceful buildings and slavic sounds... mouths/forks buried in shwaerma meat and sla and sauce and burbling away about life and language study. sweeeeeetness. then back to the apt to work on language. this is my life these days, in between periods of depressed boredom and excited exploration.... it's so good.

Will it last? Will it be here after you're gone?



Just take your candle and go light your world....

A week and a half in so far... language challenging but good... good times with friends and adjusting!

Questions.

Why are all the light switches on the outsides of the bathroom? Oh, the mischief.
Why can wifi only work on three computers per system? So limiting.
How can there be so many styles of hats for such a basic need?
Why did I never get a month-pass for transport before? Nonstop exploration fun!
What does it mean when the snow starts melting and someone shows up in *capris*?
How many levels of bureaucracy need worked through to get a room painted, much less important stuff?
How do you make banana juice? Because obviously it's for sale... try some?
Did you *look* at the sunrise this morning? Gor-geous. God sends smiles here too :)

Once we get wifi in our apartment, I'll probably blog more, but till then I've been back to journaling, curled up beside the radiator in the kitchen or my room. My big fat IKEA pillow has a new oriental red/orange/black case, so that will only add to the fun. My room is definitely a mix of travelly stuff, duffels blocking windchill from my balcony, maps on the walls, carabiners hanging from the closets.

And on that note... I'm going to be really honest and very vulnerable. I want to travel and do media, *came* here to travel and do media. I do. not. want. to stay and work in the city. I'm going to be in language school this month, for which I'm grateful, but I need to be on the move. Please be lifting me up, that I'll communicate well with supervisors who aren't pushing the whole travel thing. Technically, you can ask that I'll adjust well, but I love it here and it feels so much like home... only the streets and language really changed when I moved borders, apparently :P


Peace and grace out!

First of all, I'm *home*.

From the very beginning of this adventure, I decided I'd make the best of and try to enjoy whatever place I found myself in... didn't know that would be so EASY.

For one thing, I've spent most of my life in Europe. For another thing, people here have been really welcoming, and I have two of the best roomies in the world. And for a third thing, I had high expectations of myself, but deliberately low expectations of what I'd find. And what I've found has been great - recognisable signs, public transport, and warm welcomes. And an *adorable* wee apartment to make into a home and actually settle down in.... God is GOOD! He would still be good whether I loved or hated it here, but He's definitely worked this all out, and added in sweet small details like a creek and bridge about 5 mins walk from my apartment... like roommates who I 'click' with... like hints of basketball and volleyball possibilities... Just so many "God-winks", as my one friend says....

And I know, definitely well, that there's a 'honeymoon' stage in the psychological view of cultural adjustment, that there will be days when I wake up and hate it here. I just don't think there will be that many of them, because this is pretty much all I've wanted for a long time. And I have language school, hours a day, for the next few weeks, so that may well 'kick my tail'. But I'm already understanding a lot of what's going on, so it'll just be the amp'd up intensity and brain drain... yis.

Anyway! Three days in, cloudy and cold as it is, I'm loving it here. Very content.