Surreal, random, happy day... and one of the best here yet. Connected much?

Incorrect sunny weather. Lolcats. Outspoken Aussies.

Personal tour by a white monk.

Confused waitress who didn't know whether to speak to us in English or Slavic.

Freshly painted room, but no glitter.

Heart-sharing with a friend, no, two friends, one online and one here with me.

New piercing, a long-promised birthday treat with a friend.

Tons of coffee. Tikka masala. Gerbils. A tram that went the wrong route.

Random parade... random concert... random speed-walking race... random military/redcross/greenpeace recruitment event.

Skyped. Chatted. Sang. Texted. Threw pennies in a fountain.

Electric sunset, blood and hugs, wishes.


Deep content.

Haven't blogged anything in a while... started a new notebook two weeks ago when life got particularly frustrating, and have written in that. Everything from laughing at adventures with friends to copying half-chapters of Lamentations - "I will lay my head in the dust- there may yet be hope." Lots to catch up on, particularly hope.

I've been missing directness, missing authority. I don't do well with vagueness. Got told by my boss that 'if there are any lingering ideas of rootlessness, put them to rest." Which I needed. And life has gotten better this last week, in ironic ways.

Have had some really good talks and hang-out times with my roommates and friends... on the heels of some fairly heated arguments.

Time's ticking down to vacation and volleyball with some old favourite teammates... and realised I'm not in love with volleyball anymore.

More work assignments just as my hardrive crashed and burned. (Now fixed, and I only have to make up three months worth of unfinished video in one month, thanks.)

Have been volunteering at an international preschool (adorable kids that I can talk to in four different languages) and at a Canadian school for VBS preparation. Either way, I come home with paint stained arms and a huge grin.

God... has been good. Very demanding this last month, showing me just how much I don't let Him into my everyday life. Just how much I've been 'waiting on the next best thing' and not caring enough about life and people *now*. And my friends have helped put concrete nudges (and/or scoldings) to His point that I don't trust enough. So I'm working on that.

I have *seen* my residency card at the bureau... the people say I need one more piece of documentation. I kinda think I already filled it out. Twice. Months ago. But at least I know it does exist in a physical state and after five months of deliberate non-committal to anything, I soon won't have any excuse left. Unless work-travel, that shining star which pretty much lured me into this job, actually starts happening... in which case I may not have to commit to anything here after all. "Oh, sorry, I can't get too involved, I'll be out of country that week. Maybe the next three too. I'll drop by and hug you, lend a hand, when I have the time."

Oh, language. Almost forgot that, as excited as I was about it this week. Apparently, between time length here, the month of intensive class, and deciding I liked it enough to start thinking/singing/talking in it... I've finally gotten the hang of it. No where near fluent, or even half fluent. But I can half-listen to a conversation on a tram and understand most of it. I can ask the lady at the supermarket how she is, and follow the answer. Pick out a mistranslation on subtitling of "Amazing Grace" with the college kids. And I want to take the B1 exam in it before I leave in a year and a half.

Crazy to think I'm already a quarter through my contract. So much more I could have done, could have been. Have honestly wasted so much. For shame, I know. But somehow a lot of the non-committing has worked its way into a foundation (which I've never been good at, by the way) and that leaves me really ready to take on the rest of the time. I normally am gone- or about to leave- a place by the six month mark, and can tell myself, "Hey, not too long now. Just another few weeks." Instead, I'm faced with choices I've never had. Quit, or choose to work through the storms while knowing there will be more.


So, yeah. That's me, this May. Un-cryptic enough for you? Be proud- I've been saying more of what I think lately. But I do have a quote to end on.


'I'm not ready.'
"I'm not either. I never will be....
I'm not going to get it right.
I'll never have it together.
But I'm willing to fail with you.
I'm willing to mess up again and again.
To do it wrong and torque you off.
... I've never kept a relationship long enough to for someone to see I'm a screw-up. I left them wishing for what they saw, left them believing the myth....

I want to be real with you."

- 'Unforgotten', Heitzmann